Die, Hipster Scum.

Okay, Seriously? I hate working in Uptown - or, “Fucktown,” as I like to call it. The entire place is just crawling with hipsters, scene kids, and wannabes, as well as the over-paid assholes who can actually afford to live there. I think I would tolerate it more if I didn’t work in a coffee shop, which is a place where all of these losers feel perfectly legitimized in throwing their pretenses everywhere. [On the floor, the ceiling, my face….. it takes a lot of time to clean up after.] Like, the other day, I had to wait on a pair of dumb-ass 17-year-olds who had stopped in with their epitome-of-a-suburban-soccer-mom mother [bleached blonde, overly tanned, wearing Ralph Lauren – you know the type] for an ‘Iced half-caf mocha….. oh no, wait, make that a Chai.’ The two girls had dreads, tattoos, and septum piercings, and were playing with their I-Phones while their mommy made me and my co-worker change her order 3 times, held up the line of customers for ten minutes while she decided what the fuck to get, made a mess on our condiment counter (where we keep cream, sugar, hot-lids, etc.) and never tipped either of us a single dime. Looking at those girls, it got me thinking…. I guess the Abercrombie-Hollister crowd from high school decided to up and get "fierce." As a side note, a lot of this reminds me of that fad back in high school when Avril Levigne got really popular, and all of the sudden all of the cheerleaders started wearing heavy, black eyeliner, and buying Hot Topic out of their entire stock of Dickies pants. The only problem with this fad, (and yes, I am calling the 'hip, alternative-cool' look a fad) is that all of these kids have spent several thousand dollar apiece on full-body tattoos, that, let's face it, are going to absolutely look like hell when they are 53. That 110 pound cutie with the brass knuckles and a heart inked on her neck? Sure, it looks good now (if you're into that kind of thing) but how is it going to hold up when her neck skin is all flabby, and her tattoo looks like a hemorrhaging blood vessel peeking out from under her grandma sweater on bingo night?
The other thing that annoys me (and everybody else) is that no hipster will ever admit to being a hipster. All hipsters claim to be "legit," and feel perfectly justified in hating on other hipsters. Ask some skinny white dude on the street corner in tight-roll jeans, wearing Kanye shades and riding a fixie if he's a hipster, and he will vehemently deny it. I mean, hey, a lot of rapists deny having problems too. I love how the primary place where these ass-hats can get all down with their pretentious selves is when they order coffee [sorry - make that a "half-caf, sixteen ounce, organic hemp-milk cappuccino"] when I know for damn well that their punk-ass works at a pizzeria down the street, because that’s the only job they can get. And then these little shits all look down their indie-cool noses at me, because I have the misfortune of being a boring, 'mainstream', completely un-scene white girl with no tattoos, dreadlocks, or facial piercing, who likes classic rocks, wears Birkenstocks and goes to church on Sundays.
Another issue I have is that hipsters sure know how to ruin a good time. Have you ever been at a bar, dancing to the tunes and enjoying your Miller Lite, and have suddenly felt the cold, judgmental stare on the back of your neck from the scene kids in the back corner? They look at you like you are a fool, (or maybe an interesting zoo specimen) while they drink their PBR (because that is the official beer of hipsters) and are too unaffected to dance. Do hipsters even know how to have fun? When I mentioned going to the Minnesota State Fair last week, all one girl could do was complain about how sickening and immoral the idea of "livestock" was, how nasty the food was ('it's, like, not organic.....') and how much she hated the kind of people who go to fairs.(read: NORMAL PEOPLE.)I mean, for the love of God.... it's a fucking FAIR. Fairs are FUN, and involve animals, yodeling contests, and food that is so bad for you, that you can really only justify consuming it once a year. I guess it’s because what’s fun for the rest of humanity is just ‘not cool enough’ for them. Poor babies.