A Note on the Liberal Use of Butter:

My grandparents visited me and Chris this weekend at our new apartment, on their way north to visit some old friends in Fergus Falls, Minnesota. While Chris was at work on Friday afternoon, my grandparents and I went out to see the much acclaimed movie, “Julie & Julia.” I absolutely adored the movie – call me cheesy, but the combination of the story of a small-time blogger who struck gold, Meryl Streep, and butter, seemed to wrap me up in a feeling of comfort that only a good meal can provide. After watching the movie on Friday, I was at home by myself on Sunday afternoon, folding some laundry. I turned on the tube, and flipped to PBS, where what should be on but, “The French Chef, with Julia Child”?
As I sat there in utter awe, watching her cook flawless omelet after flawless omelet, I wondered; ‘What is her secret??’ And then I saw it – next to her copper (not Teflon!) frying pan, I saw a plate – no, a trough, of butter. Before each omelet-to-be went to meet its delicious fate in the pan, she would take an ENITRE SPATULAS WORTH of butter, and lovingly dollop it into the simmering, attendant heat of the concave, copper surface. After the omelet was completed, she would then remind her audience of the importance of brushing the top of the creation with yet MORE butter, before pronouncing it ‘ready to eat.’ I thought I had died, and gone to heaven.
Here is a woman who shared the same belief that my Oma (God rest her soul) did:
You can never have too much butter.
Now, I have often had people claim, after eating one of my culinary creations, that I was trying to kill them. And I have to admit, if I were to ever attempt my plan regarding world domination, it would probably center around me opening up a pastry shop. Sure, all of my hapless victims would most likely perish of massive coronaries, but I can bet you they would all die happy. I felt vindicated, after seeing the Grande Dame herself tell her t.v. audience with the utmost sincerity in her eyes, that no recipe will work, *ever*, if you attempt to skimp on the butter. It is a sin, people!!! Substituting yogurt for milk-fat in a banana-bread recipe?? Never! Using olive oil when frying a chicken? Sin!! And I am not even going to mention the worst of all offenders by name… but, I will give you a hint. It starts with an “M,” and ends with “-argarine.” *Shudder.*
I consider it a crime when I flip through the pages of my latest edition of The Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook, and see that every single recipe has cut back, or even eliminated, things like butter, flour, sugar, whole milk, (and no, just so you know, the recipe does NOT taste perfectly fine when you substitute skim) and even eggs! What are these people thinking??! I’m not gonna make a casserole because I’m planning on entering a swimsuit competiton. Every single recipe for baked goods features a cute, 220 to 300 calories per serving. 200 calories for a piece of pound cake? Are you fucking kidding me??? In its original incarnation, pound cake featured one pound, that’s right, you heard me, one pound of butter. Not “1/3 stick of butter, or margarine, if you prefer.” Those people should burn for this. The lies – the recipes in that book are bad, and wrong, and every time a pie is made with a butter-substitute crust instead of LARD, like God intended, a baby dolphin dies.
I, meanwhile, intend to honor the memory of Julia Child, my Oma, and all of the brave men and women who have gone before me, and bake only with REAL BUTTER, REAL FAT, and make REAL GOOD FOOD. Okay – enough of the sermon. Who wants pie? ^__^