It's Pine-Sol, Baby!!

One annoying little fact about moving from apartment to apartment every year is that you usually need to re-buy a lot of the "little things" that you either don't think about, or throw away when you are packing. [You don't really want to box up things like old trashcans, or your toilet brush, and take it with you when you move.]Anyways, I went on a mop hunt recently to replace my swiffer wet-jet. (As much as I LOVE that thing, I can't really justify the $10 refill sheets and $11 soap cartridges.) After I came home, I pine-sol'ed the hell out of our floors. Our apartment smelled so lemony fresh.... Nothing screams 'Accomplishment' more than the reek of cleaning products. I wish I could douse myself in the smell - or roll in it. Damn... I wish I could pine-sol my life.

You know, I really shouldn’t take long naps in the afternoons. I get really, really effed-up dreams. This is a little compilation of some of the highlights:

In one dream, Chris and I were living in a rental house, and he wanted to test how flame-resistant everything was, so he kept trying to set the curtains and lampshades on fire, and see how long he could leave the oven on. I had to beat out the fires with a wet blanket, because Chris had used up the fire extinguisher playing “snow party” with the guys from Russian House, who had all decided to move in together again after college, and shared a yard with us. After putting out the fire, I informed Chris that we probably wouldn’t get our damage deposit back for this. He got really pissed about that, and threw a tantrum.

In my next dream, I was at the Midway YMCA (an old, dilapidated city Y where I learned how to swim, and had to stay in kiddie prison camp… I mean… daycamp.) Anyway, I actually have a phobia of swimming pools, thanks to the Midway YMCA swimming pool. So I attempted to conquer my fears by going in to the pool area, but when I got to the pool area through the communal shower room, (I saw waaaaay too many unshaved/pierced/I don’t even want to guess vaginas in that shower room as a vulnerable youth.) someone from behind pushed me into the pool area, and locked a door behind me. It was terrifying. The pool had dilapidated to the point where there was only one light left working in the deep end, and since there were no windows in the pool, the rest of the place was pitch black. Like, you couldn’t tell where the water started, or how to get out. I finally managed to get out via the men’s locker room, and found my way back to the lobby to find Chris. Chris, for some reason told me that he wanted to have a party there, and when I told him I was terrified of the place, he told me not to be such a pussy. I got really mad at him for that.

My final dream was me waking up as a seven year old, and being carted off to YMCA day-camp. (Are we seeing a trend here, folks?) We went on a field trip to McDonalds, but while the other kids and I were standing in line, I got tackled, and carried away by a huge black man. I was taken back to the kitchen, where I was put in a barbeque-sauce-filled vat with the other day campers. When I told the other kids to run away, they all said I was crazy, and that they all still wanted to see how chicken McNuggets got made. Let’s not even TRY and interpret that one.

Misc.

Hm... having sex on the living room couch whilst watching "Cops" and "Judge Alex" on patchy, broadcast t.v. at 1am. You cannot get trashier than that. It's a slippery slope, my friends. :)

Chris: "Chocolate is a tool invented by Satan to enslave women."

Chris: "Bonus is a funny word. I always thought the plural should be 'boni.'"

Fable II: [Note: In this game, there are various dyes you can purchase to change your character's clothing color, hair color, etc. This was one of them - I think I almost shat myself when I read the description. Hint: think "Princess Bride."]
'You have found, "Swarthy Indigo Revenge Dye"! Descr.: "You have found the rare Indigo, of the genus 'Montoya.' You have crushed its flower. Prepare to dye."

My dad was looking over my bank statement on a shared account we have while I was in Washington this summer. Suddenly, I get a panicked e-mail from him about one of the places I used my card while in Washington. Apparently he thought I had gone to see a doctor, and he was all worried that it wasn't covered by my health insurance.

Dad: "Who is this, 'Dr. Juanita Bothell' that you saw when you were in Washington??? You KNOW our health plan doesn't cover out-of-state doctor's visits!"

Me: Um..... Dad....? That was from when I got gas at a gas station on Juanita Drive, in Bothell Washington."

Dad: "Oh."

Me: "Nothing says "Goner" like a piranha owned by a vegan."

Me: "What would my super-power be? Well, you know how some people can throw their voices, and it sounds like someone else is talking? Yeah, I wish I could do that with my farts."

Me: "Chris, pull your pants up. Your fun parts are showing."

Chris: "Yeah, well your NON-fun-parts are showing. Like you FACE."